plastic politic (23/April/18)

I can’t believe a government minister wasn’t aware of the detrimental effects of plastics in the environment…

… but then again… after all, he’s only the Environment Minister… it’s either a shocking level of wilful ignorance or an equally worrying degree of naivety… or could it simply be a feint to hide inertia and inaction and a ‘sweep under the carpet and turn a political blind-eye’ policy, i.e. the continued irresponsible and unchecked use, abuse and disposal of plastics in general… surely not!… this is something the technological gold rush hasn’t helped with its explosion of gadgets , computers, hand-held this and hand-held that all made predominantly of plastic…

… I half-expect, albeit begrudgingly, the small-minded to be blissfully ignorant and ill-educated in such matters (sad to say there are so many), but a politician whose brief and ultimate responsibility at the very highest levels of government is such things is disturbing……

… then again, perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised as this particular government has become well-versed at acting conveniently dumbfounded that it’s become its own parody… having never left the public school playground as yet another here-today-gone-tomorrow, ill-equipped and poorly-qualified minster is shunted from back-bench to front-bench rarely staying long enough for us to even know their name before skulking away in a wake of yet more innumerate and illegitimate failed policies…. I imagine their weekly cabinet meetings to be a veritable Mad Hatters Tea Party… “I know, let’s make the teapot the Minister for the Environment!”….

… now I may be sounding a bit cynical here (oops, is it that obvious) but when politicians start banging on about things many of us have known for years, and I mean years, because he’s just come across it on a recent television documentary it can be frustrating….

… their public epiphanies are not just embarrassments but dangerous precedents……

… an Environment Minister who has singularly failed to notice or even read the plethora of newspapers articles (particularly ones of an environmental and scientific kind which you imagine would be fundamental), journals (particularly ones of an environmental and scientific kind) papers or books (particularly ones of an environmental and scientific kind) that have been around for decades on this very issue, plastic….

… it’s not all evil of course, plastic, just our increasing reliance upon it and its harrowing abundance in any supermarkets ‘sweaty vegetables section’…… charging for plastic bags in shops and proposing a ban on plastic straws though laudable is small fry and not unlike trying to kill midges with a fly-swatter… it may make convenient headlines but the words “drops” and “oceans” spring to mind, not least because it was a documentary about oceans that seemed to wake up our aforementioned Minister to the fact that yes, maybe we are pooing on our own doorstep here….

© 2018 robert greig

a word from our sponsor (14/Jan/18)

dear Mr So-called Leader of the So-called Free World,

Phew! that’s a long title, maybe we can reduce that to a single syllable?… something like Flump perhaps… that’s catchy, ok we’ll go with that…

dear Mr Flump,

Please feel free to take it personally as it probably is… it is a personal sleight from old Blighty-land for which there is a swathe of concurrence against you personally so it’s fair to see it as personal… though not against the US…… oh no, no, no, to think that would be wilfully misunderstanding and ignorantly misinterpreting the situation… we have nothing against US citizens nor even US culture, except maybe for the plethora of adverts you litter your television with making it unwatchable……no, indeed this is personal, we don’t like you, although I use the word ‘we’ loosely…… on the loatheable scale you even out-Nixon Nixon, though I know you thrive upon being reviled which is a peculiar trait to boast and actually encourage but I suppose certain personality disorders predispose one to that end…

To be honest we have enough racist, bigoted, cruel, bully-boy, self-absorbed me-me-me-me-it’s all about me politicians here already and really we don’t really want to be babysitting yet another… and we are quite capable of opening a building without you (i.e. American Embassies)…… not to mention we have our very own puffed-up popinjay Mr Flump look-a-like here already and should you swan over here on your broken wings then the ruse may be busted that you’re in fact one and the same person!……

As for the potential impact on our (here comes another…) so-called “special relationship” I think as it was there before you came fallumping out of the swamp it will be there long after you’ve experienced a toxic meltdown in your own excess of bile… and anyway to call this hands across the ocean relationship ‘special’ is all a bit twilight zone but it makes us feel good about ourselves enabling the illusion and delusional pretence that Britain (or the UK, Great Britain or even Britannia, take your pick, everyone else does) still rules the waves, even if it’s only on a tiny pond filled with shopping trolleys in some suburban back garden somewhere, instead of the far less prosaic lapdogs licking others polluted shores of influence……

see recently you have had a few, arguably, successes?… is that right?… although most seem only for the benefit of big corporations, a world in which you yourself seem to have an abiding interest in more ways than one… also, full marks on recently having clearly taken at least a smidgen of advice from someone with half a brain cell to keep your family (largely) out of the spotlight, or at least on the very edge as they are indeed your Achilles heel, and being your other dodgy tendon is yourself then there’s a danger of not having a leg left to stand on……

… and honestly, enough with the petulant twittering…. I’m sure Twitter are laughing all the way to the bank but really, making policy in 140 characters at a time?… or 270 now…. damn! I shouldn’t have told you, I’ve just given you the excuse to abuse even more exclamation marks…… apparently, so I’ve been told, you’re all grown-up now, wow!… I remember when you were knee-high to a dollar bill, we all had such high hopes… ‘ shame.

with as much regard as I can muster as sincerely as I can be in the circumstances,
me~

ps…… dear Mr Flump, stop turning our rare natural landscapes here into yet another golf course… thank you.

© 2018 robert greig