that feel-good factor (9/March/18)

what little of the moon now hangs, listless… in the sky, where else?…

feeling good is a luxury… as feeling good like any feeling is transitory anyway there’s always equally the inevitability of not feeling good, which may in itself not be that bad as it serves to amplify such moments as defined as feeling good……

no surprise then like most thing, it’s all relative… then doesn’t that suggest that relatively, and by the law of averages (just thought I’d throw that into the scrum too) that at some point or other I too would feel good at least sometimes?…… perhaps… not an argument?… perhaps… I reserve the right to be an awkward bugger at times…… the thing is I don’t feel good, or ok, rarely ever, so blink of an eye are such moments as to almost not be there at all, to be subliminal, measurable only by mere moments, and not many of them at best…… one could say somewhat under the radar and then it’s then gone before I’ve time to wallow in its whatever it is…… some say, grab them however small when you can but that’s tricky when they’ve already flown the nest or decayed like an echo in a box…

the converse can also apply, that feeling good might amplify, or aggravate, the not feeling good times with the potential to make them even worse, with the whole concept of being relative does…

I’m not sure I was born with the feeling good gene, that trick of biology that may dispose one too it, to feel good… of course there are those who try to come up with ways of deluding yourself into it, convincing your self that actually things aren’t that bad at all… but in the end you’ve only got their word for it while the voice in your head is huddled among the shadows of doubt pondering imponderables…… one could call the feel-good factor a product of the optimist which may suggest an optimism gene, or these people are just better at self-deception…

I have wondered if, as such, not feeling good is in fact the default, just like it’s easier not to smile than to walk around with a ridiculous grin on your face all the time, even though apparently it takes fewer muscles to smile than not, though I’m not entirely convinced by the simplicity of that theory…… it can be our natural state like a perching birds retracted claws is their natural state or they’d get exhausted having to consciously grip all the time… in the same way smiling is exhausting but not smiling is basically easy……

I can’t remember the last time I felt good, certainly for any longer than the aforementioned subliminal blink of a subliminal eye……

© 2018 robert greig