float/fade/dissipate (19/April/18)

conversation’s overrated… people talk too much… some never seem to stop… their mouths moving in time attempting to translate some inner monologue into something intelligible to an outside world whether that outside world wants to hear it or not…… much verbalising blah-blah-blah but so little said… like the difference between hearing and listening, you may have heard something but did you actually listen…… so much nothing evaporates within seconds of leaving the lips escaping at the speed of breath as though spurning the orator with a “must get away, must get away”… streams of niceties, background noise, the etiquette of strangers, the acquiescence of acquaintance, the predictability of friends…… being still like children with a new toy, trying to learn what to do with it while it defies us as intangibly as the air upon which it floats, fades and dissipates… and so often makes such a din before it does finally surrenders to space, such potential for richness all too often reduced to poverty and frequently leaving a bad taste in the mouth…… non-verbal communication gets smothered that endless inane chatter, the sound of their own voices droning on and on and on and on andonanaonandonandonandonandonand… see… it might turn into a mantra falling into a single note forging a visceral connection with the earths harmonic, the very note it too is humming at that very moment bringing gravity to its knees and aligning every molecule of air opening a huge pit of boredom into which we are all sucked once and for all and forever, amen…… that’d stop someone talking that’s for sure……… we all know someone who does it and it’s usually the one with the most grating or monotonous voice, like combing your ears with a porcupine or drowning in instant custard, one packed with e-values and preservatives and sugar-substitutes, sugar and salt and other type-2 diabetes time-bombs…… often what’s being said doesn’t need to be and frequently repeated as though their brain has run out of things to verbalise but for reasons unfathomable they feel compelled to keep rabbiting on regardless worried that if they stop talking they’ll no longer exist…. although quiet often  the listener might wish they didn’t… one could call it dullardry, the art of continuously talking to the point that no one not even yourself is listening and yet the mouth keeps going on andonanaonandonandonandonandonand……

© 2018 robert greig

not-so-wee, sleekit, timorous beastie (13/April/18)

have you noticed how cars are getting bigger, bulkier, beastier, almost taking on more threatening personas, less-friendly and definitely devoid of the character and personality some older cars, of which some are true classics, have always had and retained… does a car need to be friendly, isn’t really the main issue, it’s how now cars seems to be experiencing the same obesity epidemic as the population is purported to be, which perhaps may be one reason they have got bigger as people themselves have expanded in waistlines…

… what is glaringly apparent is they no longer fit in car parking spaces, between the white lines which all-too often they are seen to overlap, though of course there is the side-issue or drivers variable parking abilities which are just mind-boggling in some cases…… these parking spaces in public car parks, supermarkets, hospitals, wherever, were mostly designed and laid-out and painted at a time when cars were narrower, even Landrovers: tall yes, but narrow; higher ground clearance yes, but narrow… one now has to leave a whole parking space between you and the next one just to be able to open your doors……

… new cars seem to carry an air of threat about them, of entitlement, almost arrogance, often apparent in the way they are driven, with a bullying and demanding demeanour…… I know of one car park which took the bold step of having to reduce the numbers of parking spaces to expand each one within the same space so as to fit this penchant for new models immensity……

… cars are also becoming more generic… it’s not because they’re new that they fail to have to classic lines and curves and character of older cars, it’s simply that they don’t, alongside every manufacturers merely copying each other in an attempt to fill every niche driving market with what become identikit, distinguishable only by their cheap plastic logos (a bit like television soap operas, you know, how they all have identical story-lines now in order to compete with each other, or an utter lack of imagination… not that I watch soaps, but there media prevalence makes this pattern all too evident)

…. and don’t get me started on cars becoming entirely dependent upon an onboard computer and its associated electronics, removing the drivers control and distancing them from the actual physical act of driving… travelling in some is more akin to sitting on a travellator, not to mention that some resembling sitting rooms, I worry some drivers forget they are perched inside a missile on wheels…. their awkward, clumsy, inflated appearance doing impressions of weapons of mass-destruction rather than simple modes of transport, getting from point A to point B…

… and then at the other end of the spectrum there’s the so-called SmartCar, , tiny little bits of fun… except if you have long legs…… yet again more very clever manipulation of the word “smart”, or more deceptive bends steeped in marketing-speak…. and don’t even get me started on those hideously-blinding, threateningly-painful laser headlights being fitted as routine to cars now… no, don’t, don’t get me started, don’t, noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo……..

© 2018 robert greig

it’s a sign! (31/March/18)

… the first blackthorn blossom’s coming out, the hedgerows will be doing impressions of snow drifts in a matter of weeks now… I’m soft you up as today’s blog is a bit heavy but does have a happy ending of a kind…… April’s coming… apparently…

… I had to laugh even though it wasn’t actually meant to be funny, in fact the polar opposite, but absurdity has a way of turning up just when you least expect when I read in the local paper of the post office ‘hold-up’ that went disastrously wrong, for the perpetrators that is… a ‘hold-up’ is perhaps overstating it as two poorly-masked men armed only with a crowbar, for opening the till apparently, tried and failed to rob the post office here but were foiled by the elderly owners and equally elderly  and clearly plucky neighbour who fended them off firstly by throwing bottles of cordial at them until one, and I quote, “felled one of them with a National Lottery sign…”, clearly not a winner for the robber, “… and then sat on him until the police arrived to arrest them”…… excellent!…

… unquestionably a terrifying ordeal, one sadly that invariably has lasting consequences for victims…… luckily, most criminals are both the opposite of intelligent and cowardly, after all it’s only a coward who’d prey on the vulnerable…. there’s no doubt plenty of liberal reasons/ excuses as to why they did what they did: society, upbringing, poverty, blind stupidity, it’s just sometimes, heart on heart, it’s hard to feel anything but disdain for those who exist simply to make other people’s lives a misery… which isn’t very liberal-minded is it…

… but there are lines, consequences, and freedom of expression, of platform, of speech isn’t a license to: off you go, be my guest, be a bully, rob a post office, threaten anyone you like, be that neighbour from hell, drop litter, drive like you own the road, vandalise, steal, stalk, terrorise, spread poisonous hate from your mouth, incite violence, do violence, be a bigot, be a racist, be a sexist, be a complete knob-head…  live and let live?…… such an impossible statement or sentiment…… anyone doing something intolerable has to be fair game to be whacked with a lottery sign…… some don’t like to admit that we all have lines, do’s and definite don’ts, levels of tolerance when enough is enough…

… it’s no fun being scared, unless it’s safely huddled on your sofa in front of a scary movie with a blanket to hide behind…… it’s no fun spending every waking moment in fear that some pond slime will slither into your life and destroy it without blinking, you’re just collateral, incidental, statistic… like I mentioned, a bit heavy but… just think back to the bad guy being defeated not by Batman (re: superhero) or Bruce Willis (re: action movie actor) or the Easter Bunny (re: bouncy chocolate animal) but a pensioner with a lottery sign…… excellent!

© 2018 robert greig