face it (10/Sept/18)

here is my happy face…
here is my sad face…
here is my surprised face…
here is my curious face…
here is my questioning face
and this
this is my “grr” angry face,
or maybe ang’rrr’y face…
here is my upset face
here is my horrified face…
is my mischievous face
and here
obviously, is my smug face…
here is my bored face
and this,
this is my ‘I’ve lost one sock’ face
which is not unlike this face,
this my disappointed face…
this is my “oh my god I need to pass wind” face
and this,
alike not unlike it is my interested but not really face…
this is my oops face…
and here,
this is my ‘I’ve just found my lost sock’ face…
… what do you mean they all look the same? … what do you mean you can’t distinguish one expression from the other?… don’t you see, I’m merely channelling my inner cat… on that clearly wears socks….

ps… and this is my relief face at having just past wind… … … … …

© 2018 robert greig

ring, ring (5/Sept/18)

I have a phone that nobody calls, I don’t know why I have a phone that nobody calls… I have a phone that never rings, I don’t know why I have a phone that never rings… perhaps I should give someone my number but isn’t that too obvious?… and anyway, surely someone knows my number already, more than one someones I’d have thought, how hard can it be, it’s just numbers, a string of numbers… in fact, I know there are some someones who do indeed know it but still I have a phone that nobody calls… every day I turn it on and every end of the every day I turn it off and in between nobody calls… of course, whether they call when it’s off I’ll never know because it’s off and apparently I have voicemail, I know this because it will tell me when I have voicemail or missed a call, but as I have a phone that nobody calls how can I be sure I have voicemail at all?… one day it’ll ring, I’m sure of it, but when it does I’ll probably be so surprised, taken aback, awestruck, discombobulated that I’ll just stare at it in wonderment, or fear, or panic, while trying to remember how to answer it…

© 2018 robert greig

prove it (20/August/18)

think it’ll rain?


it’s raining

oh… ok… therefore I invoke the disclaimer rule…

what ’disclaimer rule’?

the one where it states that it wasn’t me that said what I said

but it was

no it wasn’t

yes it was, I saw your lips move, I heard you say it

prove it

prove it?

yes, prove it

I can’t ‘prove’ it, it just is, it happened, you did

where’s you’re evidence?

I didn’t know I’d need evidence for the obvious

so you malign my good name and offer no evidence in your defence and except rumour, gossip and hearsay?

it’s hardly any of those, you just said it, just now, a few minutes ago

no I didn’t

yes you did

no I didn’t

but you did…

prove it…

… [we interrupt this broadcast for an exasperated sigh]……

© 2018 robert greig