clocktopus, 24/July/17

…. and to top it off I can’t dance either…… yet another unskill I’m duly unproud of…….. yes I can tap my foot, can even sway my body in roughly the right direction at roughly the right time as and when required or an unexpected mood takes me….. I even once, well twice, actually I think I had four, auditions at various drama schools…. yes I know, delusions of the dramatic arts once pooled in me like a blood clot……. blame my pantomime-years, those who read my blog regularly (and I can count you on one hand) may remember at some point or even a few times mentioned or alluded to this rather bizarre time in my past…… anyway from that I did some actual serious ‘acting’, and I use that word advisedly, and seemed to against all odds develop a taste for greasepaint and as such this madness found me in some of the scariest interviews I’ve ever had, auditions!…….


…….. and now to the point, most of them take all day to complete involving a plethora of challenges, or tortures as I’d call them, one of which being movement, or dance…….. as if I hadn’t embarrassed myself enough with all the other bits the dance was a decided low point……… just when I thought I had rhythm it was patently clear in this context I didn’t, unless of course an underflated walrus lumbering hauling itself out of water is what they were after, which I think not, then indeed this was a not-to-be-repeated ever, ever, ever again scenario…………
… at which point any acting career stalled and ground to a halt, and probably quite rightly being also a blessing for the rest of the world that any upcoming star should crash out of the sky in the shape of me………. so anyway, where was I……………

…… so now at best if you perhaps see me at a gig, for example, the best you can expect is I’ll be the one resembling a clockwork octopus that’s overdosed on Duracell batteries….. or a windmill in a cyclone… take your pick….

© robert greig 2017


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