anxiety · bridges · death · depression · diary · mortality · porpoise · suicide

the purposeful porpoise, 2/July/17

in those few short seconds after she threw herself off and was falling did she think, “oh shi…………….”.…….
…. at least that thought is one thought that’s squiggled through our heroes mind as he imagines and ponders and wonders what if…….. after all our hero, unlike her, still had that luxury, to imagine, ponder and wonder the what ifs…….. if he’d got there in time, whatever in time is of course depends on your point of view………. could he have talked her down?…….. our hero imagines perhaps, possibly he could’ve, in fact he’s sure he could have…. because that’s what heroes do, and if he had he could have boosted his credentials as a hero…… our hero pulled himself up on that though, this wasn’t about him, or kudos, or brownie points……… but what would he have said anyway?……. would he have babbled on incoherent about the ‘wonders of life’, and  that she (probably) has so much still to give, and anyway what about her family and friends……….. our hero realised she’d have seen through it and known in those last minutes that not even he believed a word he said…….. waffle and lies never work at times like this, in fact words often make it worse, if that’s possible to make what was going to happen worse……… maybe our hero would’ve have just sat there with her silent, not saying a thing, hoping his presence would be enough to stop her…….. and then he’d be the hero for real……. but it wasn’t about him, he had to keep reminding himself……… yet another human annoyance, the ‘what’s in in it for me’ vibe……. everyone’s susceptible…… could be what they call “having a purpose”….. ho hum, something our hero hasn’t quite grasped yet… “purpose, purpose, what’s that?…. other than a dolphin with a shorter nose”……….
….. but, you see dear reader our hero wasn’t there that day, that minute, that moment when down she went and for those few brief seconds imagined…………………….

© robert greig 2017

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