animals · arms · bears · biology · diary · physiology · self · surrealism · ursine

the bear absurdities, 10th January 2017

I believe in the right to bear arms!……. huge furry ursine arms with massive claw hands which admittedly may look bizarre being I’m a human and not a bear…… I’d be really good at climbing up tree trunks and more importantly not falling off them….

the question I know you’re all wondering and about to ask is, would they be polar bear arms or grizzly arms?….. what about panda arms…. or teddy bear arms?… I imagine once I’d chosen there’d be no going back so I’d have to be certain….. I might even get a superhero name like… humbear!…… maybe not, sounds a bit meh, tamely benign……. bearman!….. lends itself to being misspelled, which could be embarrassing…. or beararmeggedon!…..

what about my right to bare arms…. to sport sleeveless tee shirts all the time… although in the winter this could be stupidly impractical and bloody cold… anyway, I have rubbish- self-conscious arms so anything sleeveless is a maybe not…. or my right to bear arms, as in not the hairy ones but arms.. limbs… two preferably….. and to bear hands… and bear feet…. and to bear legs as well…. why not ask for the moon on a stick!…. not bare legs of course, that’d be s step too far (note: pun alert) my legs are not to be seen by the faint- or even stout-hearted…… imagine, me with bear legs though…… (imagination imagining moment… wibbly, wibbly, wibbly)…… maybe not…. but they would match my hairy bear arms…… though I’m not so sure how my bear legs would look in shorts……

am I being weird?… I’m probably being weird…… really weird?…. is it time for my medicine yet?………

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