anxiety · Christmas · December · depression · diary · firsts · lasts · Lewis Carroll · lists · midwinter · New Year · new years eve · religion · twelfth night · twelve days of Christmas · twleve days of christmas · winter

lost last list, 31st December 2016

should I write little…or lots…
looks like it might just be lots….

so whatever I do today could be the last thing of that thing I do all year…. all this year that is…… I’d wish you a ‘happy new year’ as is tradition but, for starters it isn’t a new year for everyone, also, it’d suggest I’ve had some epiphany (in advance of the twelfth day of christmas!) of born-again optimism, which would be most unlikely…… perhaps “good luck and see you at the other end” might be more fitting…. it’ll certainly be my last daily blog of 2016…. I’ve just had my last breakfast and thus last porridge of the year, no doubt staggered later by my last lunch, dinner, at some point much later probably my last coffee and probably even later my last cup of tea before…. before, before, before…..

most probably, likely, inevitably I’ll have my last sneeze, it is winter after all, I sneeze at least once a day… will it be memorable I wonder, a veritable ‘sneeze of the year’ sneeze…..
I imagine it’s the last time I’ll wake up this year unless I snatch a snooze later or nab a nap, which I could but knowing my fickle and temperamental nature might not… or might…..see!….. sometime today will be the last time I write 2016 in any way other than an historical context…..

I can feel all my blinks trying, and luckily for me failing, to hold themselves back to be the last blink of the year, instead like lemmings they throw themselves off the tips of my eyelids one after another and another… which is just as well, otherwise I’d spend the day wearing a starey and decidedly scary-eyed look of perpetual surprise if I didn’t blink…… I will count my fingers and toes for the last time this year…. what do you mean, of course I should, I intend to enter 2017 with the same number I started with 366 days ago…… yes, check the calendar, re: february……..

I’ll have my last shave, a last yawn… I wonder if it will be one of those huge ones that virtually swallow your own head…… a last thought, which could be as profoundly memorable as last years last thought, being “where’s my other sock?”……. I’ll most definitely choose the last song I hear with appropriate diligence……. I could start making a list of lasts, a ‘last list of lasts’ top of which would be, 1. last list………… I’ll even have a last laugh, though probably not ‘the‘ last laugh but you never know…… then I’ll have a whole 12 months to lose my last list come new years eve 2017 when I will hunt high and low and all the places in between and wonder where my lost last list is lost…….. there’ll even be a last word, although probably not ‘the‘ last word…. will it come seconds before the stroke of midnight or hours earlier, who knows, only the tickly-tockety transit of time will tell, although it its as fickle and temperamental of nature as I am then…… don’t hold your breath…… and when it comes will it be a frivolous adjective or a definite article… or even an indefinite one?……. hanging in mid-air searching for the lost verb…….

has it really. has it really, has it really been 16 years……. 16 years since the turn of the century…… oddly enough I remember it well, though there’s teenagers leaving school who’ve only ever known this one……. new years eve 1999 was a world away, almost a galaxy far, far away…. even new years eve 2015 feels like another life…….. and here I am on the seventh day of christmas when apparently I should be given seven swans a-swimming, though why anyone would is anyone’s guess, and what would I do with them anyway… not to mention the geese, the gold rings, calling birds, french hens, turtle doves and a soddin’ partridge… and to top it all a pear tree!…. the mind boggles… and before you know it there’ll be maids a-milking, and ladies dancing, and, you couldn’t make it up, lords a-leaping!… only to be lambasted by pipers piping and drummers drumming!…. run away, I say! run away!…… and still there’ll be this baffled partridge staring at me from a pear tree… we’re all doomed!.……….

the last sunrise, the last sunset…… the last full moon, new moon……. the last dance…. the last breath……. the last list goes on………………….

so tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, so soon comes tomorrow (or does it?) accompanied by an avalanche of firsts tumbling far too fast to possibly list lest I spend all my waking hours compiling…… stepping through the looking glass…. jam to-morrow, jam yesterday, but never jam to-day…….. maybe if one of the twelve days gave me jam then that might be of some use….. as long as I was given toast on the next……..

it looks like it wrote lots……………

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s