advent · anxiety · Christmas · christmas day · December · depression · diary · meditation · midwinter · mind · mindfulness · tea · thought · weather · winter · yoga

noivilbo, 25th December 2016

dark… it’s always dark when I wake up… in the dark……. brew tea, pour tea, into warmed mug, sip tea not slurp tea…… light a candle…. light another….. and another…. blow out the match before it singes my fingers…… orange…… sit on my yoga mat… still dark….. peel orange…. eat orange…… sip tea…… maybe slurp, once maybe twice…… shhh, don’t tell anyone…. it’s ok, there’s no one here to hear……. still dark…… think….. and think some more……. all this thought, there’s a lot of thought going into all this thought…….. I might vanish before the light comes if I’m not careful…. vanish up my own thought………. all this self-exploration’s all good and well but it’s too easy to get tangled up in tumbleweed blown willy-nilly across parched prairies criss-crossed with barren roads carpeted with the corpses of those who went before, tried and failed, and left what remains of themselves littering the landscape without a thought left to think…….. thoughtless?…… noivilbo is oblivion backwards…. I know, who cares…….. still dark… sip tea…….. candle flickers…. it doesn’t mean anything they’re just restless….. flames are, they never sit still long enough to think… they just flicker until…….. still dark….. sip tea…..

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